My loved one won't exercise. What can I do?

Here's the deal. Nagging does not work. It just doesn't. And no matter how gentle your comments, your loved one will probably see it as nagging. The major thing you have to accept here is that your loved one is not you, and you can't make him or her do anything they truly don't want to. I watched my parents struggle with their smoking habits for years. My mother would quit, Dad wouldn't, and soon Mom was back to smoking again. Dad wasn't going to do it until he really wanted to; until he had a reason that spoke to him and gave him the will to follow through and keep following through. My mother got breast cancer and finally, they both quit, together, and have been smoke free for a couple of years now (Mom is also currently cancer-free). No matter what any of us said or did before that, Dad didn't really want to quit, and so he didn't. He would try half-heartedly now and again, but he didn't really want it and so he always fell back into it.

There are some things you can do to help a loved one reach that motivation point when they have the will, desire and follow-through to change their health habits, but first accept that it may not happen right away, or for a long time, or possibly ever. Remember why you love the person and focus on that. You might even tell them some version of "It drives me absolutely crazy that you don't seem to care about this and it makes me worry about you. But I love you no matter what." Oddly enough, sometimes this reassurance is all someone needs.

Some things you can try:

-ask the person to exercise with you. Make sure you're doing something that's reasonable for them, I.e. if you're a marathoner and your spouse is a couch potato, try walking with them, not suicide sprints.

-if they have expressed interest in exercise but haven't followed through, ask if they would like to work with a professional to figure out what to do and get in the habit. Then encourage them to work with a trainer, or purchase a package with a trainer as a gift. (Don't do this is the person is resistant; it will just be a waste of money if they are not ready to commit.)

-try to help the person find something they will enjoy. For example, there are several video games for fitness out there, like the Wii-Fit. If your loved one hates organized exercise but likes video games, maybe this will help. If they hate treadmills but love basketball, encourage them to join a team, join one with them, or start playing with them.

-if your loved one feels too frazzled and you can help, do so. Example - if they feel too busy with the kids, volunteer to watch them while they head for the gym.

-if you're looking for help and support in your own health journey, let your loved one know that. Sometimes we will go further to help our loved ones out than to help ourselves.

Remember, you want your loved one to exercise because you care about them. Be patient and understanding, as you would want them to be about your own faults and bad habits. Change happens gradually, not overnight.

Good luck!

Buying cardio equipment

Cardio equipment is expensive stuff. It can range from hundreds to thousands of dollars, and too often ends up as a really costly clothing rack. Here are some things to think about before making the investment.

1. Is whatever piece of equipment you're considering what you really need? Recently, my aunt purchased a Total Gym. Total Gyms are ok for many people, but my aunt is very heavy and almost none of the exercises worked for her when she asked me to come over and show her how to use it. Luckily, she was able to return it, but it would have been easier if she had done the research and understood it was not the right piece of equipment for her in the first place. Think about the type of exercise you need and what, if any, limitations you have. If you have bad knees you might choose an elliptical machine over a treadmill. If you want to run, make sure the treadmill you're looking at is not just suited to walking. If it's difficult for you to stand for long periods, you may need a stationary bike instead of an elliptical or treadmill, and if you have a bad back you might need a recumbent bike instead of an upright.

2. Will you use equipment at home or do you need the motivation of actually going out to the gym (and being around other exercising people) to get your exercise done?

3. Do you actually need a piece of cardio equipment? A wii-fit or other fitness video games, an aerobic step (or your own stairs) and exercise videos are all less expensive options that may net you the same results as your own treadmill, bike or elliptical machine.

4. Can you get what you want used? A family member may have the treadmill you want malingering in their basement and might give it to you for free! Or, check craigslist, Play It Again Sports, garage sales or your local newspaper's classifieds. Do beware and make sure you check any used equipment for functionality. Make sure nothing's broken or unsafe. Much of the time, you can get a very functional and lightly used piece of cardio equipment for much less that you would pay for new.

5. Before buying any piece of equipment, new or used, try it and and make sure it's a comfortable fit for your body. Personally, I can't stand certain elliptical machines because the stride feels all wrong, and I can't imagine spending half an hour on them. I bought a used Tony Little Gazelle walker a few years ago wanting something to use indoors in the winter without having to trek to the gym. The thing felt awful and I used it twice. Make sure you're getting something you can use in relative comfort.

I you've asked yourself all the right questions, purchasing a piece of cardio equipment can be a great way to add to your fitness routine. Like anything else, check your impulses, make a smart decision, and enjoy the results!

Emotional Eating Alternatives

To an extent, we are all emotional eaters. From the day we are born, food is linked with love, comfort and safety. As we get older, our families and culture implant ideas about food and celebrations, food and feelings, food and guilt. It is impossible to completely separate food from the things it is besides fuel for our bodies, and really, we wouldn't want to. Taste, touch and smell and sight are all engaged by our food, and eating well is a wonderful experience, as long as we don't convince ourselves to feel bad about it.

However, many of us use food in inappropriate ways, mistakenly trying to meet our emotional needs with physical food. This leaves us feeling badly and impacts our health negatively. It becomes an vicious cycle: we eat, we feel bad about it, we eat more to stop feeling bad, etc.

The first step to stopping this cycle is conscious thought. When suddenly hit with a food craving that's not physical hunger, we need to stop long enough to recognize that it's not food we really need or want in that moment. Then, we need to supply ourselves with an alternative outlet for filling whatever emotional need is behind the urge to eat.

Here are some ideas. It's best to sit down and write your own list, and experiment to figure out what works best for you. Remember, if you end up not being able to avoid the urge to eat at first, treat yourself with compassion. Getting angry at yourself only furthers the vicious cycle and leaves you back where you were: feeling badly and not knowing what to do about it except eat.

Think about trying these:

When you're feeling anxious and in need of comfort:

-write your feelings down.
-call a friend and talk about what's bothering you.
-take a walk and breathe deeply.
-get a hug from someone you trust.
-problem-solve whatever is going on - figure out a step by step plan to fix the problem or prevent whatever you're worried about.
-turn on some soothing music.
-meditate.
-try a warm shower or bath.

When you're feeling devastated or sad:

-see all of the above.
-count your blessings - write a list.
-go ahead and let yourself cry.
-call your mom or a friend who will listen and commiserate with you.

When you're feeling angry or frustrated:

-see many of the above.
-punch a pillow or punching bag, or shadow box. Get all your frustrations out. Picture your problem or the person causing your problem and punch them in the face! (In your imagination, of course.)
-Write a letter you never intend to send airing all your anger. Then tear it up or burn it.
-turn on angry music and stomp around your house.
-channel your anger into something productive that you've been putting off, like cleaning. You'll have enough energy to get it done and barely notice the task.

When you're feeling happy and accomplished (and want to eat to celebrate):

-get some friends together to do something non food related but fun: shopping, bowling, rollerskating, whatever!
-use your happy energy to exercise.
-turn on upbeat music and dance.
-call your friends and tell them all about your success.
-do a random act of kindness for someone.

When you're feeling bored:

-Get out an old project you've been putting off.
-Research something you've been curious about.
-Find a new video game, iPod app, or something to play with.
-Read a book or watch something you've been wanting to.
-Play with a child.
-Try a new exercise or workout (videos are a great source for this).
-Try a new (or old) hobby like playing a musical instrument, making art, etc.

Again, brainstorm and think of things you think will work well for you. Keep your list handy so you'll have it when you need ideas. New habits take awhile to stick, so don't worry if changing the way you react to emotions is slow to change. Keep at it, and eventually your new coping skills will become ingrained.

ZombieFit

This is my friend Rose, in her zombie costume.

A friend sent me this link this morning. ZombieFit. These guys have it EXACTLY right.

They take principles from Crossfit and Parjour, and add ZOMBIES.

Crossfit is a system of exercise that belives in major "muscle confusion". Do something different, interesting, and difficult each day, and you'll build an awesome body with very few weaknesses.

Parkour is a sport developed in France and spreading over the world. It is a system of movement that states there are no barriers, only obstacles, all of which can be overcome. People jump, flip, roll and mount objects like rails, stairs, walls, etc, making the urban environment a playground and an amazing training ground for the "flight" part of "fight or flight."

ZombieFit takes these concepts and combines them into a system that promises optimum fitness for when the zombie apocolypse comes and we need to run, jump, fight and survive in a world of flesh-eating animated corpses. I haven't attended a class, but I imagine there's a huge amount of crazy fun involved. In the area of extreme fitness, it's a great new concept, and I can't wait to experiment with it!

Act.

Planning is important. If you don’t have a plan, you don’t know how you’re going to get from point A to point B, and you risk not getting there at all.

However, sometimes we get so caught up in making the perfect plan that we never really start the journey. Or we wait for the conditions to be just right in order to begin. We have to “feel like it,” be “in the right headspace,” have every resource available, have the answer to every question before we are ready to move forward.

This is a recipe for never getting anywhere at all. I can be a control freak at times. One of the most important lessons I’ve had to learn is that there is no perfect time to start anything, and while preparing and planning are positive things, they can impede us just as much as they help us. Am I implying that you should skip planning and preparation altogether and go after what you want completely blind? Of course not.

But stop waiting for the perfect time, the perfect day, the perfect plan. Stop derailing yourself and starting over completely because something didn’t go the way you thought it should. Adapt. Move forward. You’ll never get where you want to be by standing around and thinking about how you’re going to do it. Life is messy and uncertain. Get over it. Act. Choose not to be a bystander on the sidelines of your own life. The only way you will get anything like the life you want is by taking action every day to get there.

Good luck!

Excuses

Today, boys and girls, we are going to talk about excuses.

Excuses sabotage everything our "best" selves intend for us. They're part of human nature. When we don't really want to do something, our very intelligent brains come up with dozens of reasons why we can't or shouldn't. The dumb thing is, we tend to spend more time futzing around with excuses and thinking and getting mad at ourselves and then soothing ourselves... we might as well have saved ourselves the time and trouble and gone ahead and done whatever we should have in the first place!

I'm going to use exercise as an example because it's what I hear the most excuses about, but you can apply this to whatever you tend to make excuses not to do. Try the following strategies to steamroll right over your excuses and create the habits you really want.

1. Problem-solve.
Many excuses are logistical in nature. "Lynda, I don't exercise because I don't have any time." Yes, you may be very busy. But everyone has a few minutes stashed here and there. It's a matter of figuring out where they are and how you can harness them. We make time for the things that are important to us. You don't have to exercise for one uninterrupted hour each day - that might well be unrealistic for you. But can you take a 10 minute walk on your lunch break, take the stairs at work, take your kids to play frisbee in the park while you're watching them, march in place while your working on dinner? Actually, once you actually go through your day, you probably have more time than you think. Don't take your excuses at face value. Think it through and find a way.

2. Argue with your negative thoughts.
"I can't exercise because I'm embarrassed, I look like hell, it hurts to move, I'm clumsy and feel like a dork." We're so mean to ourselves! You wouldn't say those things to a friend, or even a stranger, but chances are you have your own torturous way of thinking about yourself that holds you back from the things you really want to do, especially when it comes to exercise. Argue with those thoughts! What would you say to a friend who had heard these insults? You'd probably get mad on their behalf. Get mad at your own inner demons, and set out to prove them wrong!

3. Trick yourself.
"I really don't feel like exercising today." If you've made a commitment to yourself to exercise, you should try to follow through. Tell yourself "I'll do it for 5 minutes, and if I still don't feel like it, I'll stop." by the time you've gotten dressed and started working out, it'll feel kind of silly to stop after 5 minutes. Tell yourself "5 more, just to make it worth it." By this time, you're probably done whining anyway and just focused on getting it done.

4. Distract yourself.
Work out with a friend and chat while you do. Listen to music. Have a tv on in the background or a magazine on the treadmill. You need to focus to a certain extent, but we tend to get bored easily in our overstimulated world. Have something to hold your interest while you get the work done.

5. Enlist an accountability partner.
Make a deal with a friend, relative or coworker. Each of you will commit to the habits you're tying to create, and give each other regular status reports. If you missed a workout, you have to explain why. Make it someone who will call you on your crap, and do the same favor for them.

6. Focus on the results, not the task.
Okay, so you don't really want to exercise. But your probably DO want the benefits that come with it - increased energy, reduced stress, feeling good in your own skin, etc. The long-term results are hard to focus on, but you can also focus on the immediate feeling of accomplishment that always comes after you've fulfilled a promise to yourself to take action on something at any given time. Think how good you're going to feel after that swim class, and go do it!

21 days to make a habit

Studies have shown that it takes about 21 days to break or form a new habit. Personally, I think 30 days is a good, round number, and gets any last stubborn resistance out. :) Think about that. 30 days from now, you could have a new habit you've been talking or thinking about forever and not really doing anything about. It just takes a little bit of action every day. Chris McCombs, a self-styled fitness business mentor, talks about taking "massive action". That's awesome, and hey, if you can do that, go for it. Personally, I believe in small, sustainable steps. Trying to do too much all at once tends to result in getting overwhelmed and backtracking as fast as possible to return to one's comfort zone - the old habits you've been stuck in forever. So aim for balance. Challenge yourself, but don't expect to reach perfection in 30 days.

I'm thinking about this concept because I'm participating in Jeanette Cates' 30 Day Blog Challenge. I'm supposed to write a new blog post every day of 150 or more words and then post it to Twitter. I've had this blog for awhile and it's not like it's *hard* for me to write - I was an English major! (Don't use that to judge my grammatical errors and typos, please!) I just haven't made a conscious effort to form the habit of writing in it on a daily or almost daily basis. By doing this I hope to get some good, informative writing done, make more connections and ultimately identify some more people who can benefit from training with me and want to take that step. So, while I'm working on this blog thing, why don't you think about trying to form a habit over the next 30 days. Maybe it's drinking your 8 glasses of water, or walking for 20 minutes a day, or changing the way you talk about your body from negative to positive. Maybe it's increasing your endurance until you can finally run an entire mile without stopping. Or maybe it's replacing a big bowl of ice cream for dessert with fruit. Maybe it has nothing to do with your physical health and fitness, and that's fine too. But pick something you've been meaning to do for awhile and take a little action on it every day for the next month. You've got nothing to lose, and plenty to gain!